Fears of Femme and Circle of Attention

I am wanting to become a femme person, and that would require changing my whole appearance.  The problem is I am little scared but there is also my family, culture and more that is causing me pain as well.  Looking at the fashion that femme people can wear makes me happy and smile all the time.  I would like to wear, skirts, dresses, graphic tees, skater shoes and have long hair which would make me smile even more and really push forward.  I am not sure when I will be able to make the change and if I do, I really want to do this sooner then later.

As for the world I work in, people don't really ask too many questions which is fine by me.  I have a mostly accepting volunteer and paid work as they want to keep the work and personal life separate.  To keep people like myself sane, I believe that keeping them separate is key to making this world go around.  If this is how people really want to see the world, then they will miss the people who are slipping through the cracks.  There are too many people who are being missed in our world, and transgender people are one of them.

I have the courage to change myself to be the person I want to be.  This is one of my fears that I am trying to get over and might want to change that this year.  Everyday, I think about what I really want to be and change about myself.  I have to make 2017 the best year ever and that means to push myself ever harder and really outside of my comfortable zone.

As for the challenge of being the circle of attention, I need to take on more challenges which this is one of them.  The way to get around this is to get everyone around me a voice but as I know that might not have the same weight.  As you get higher up the ladder, you have a bigger weight in the room and pushing that away is hard unless you totally go into a new community.  This could be working in a different field like I am, or moving to another city or even moving to a new neighbourhood/community.  Starting at the bottom of the ladder is always good to get new and/or different ideas from people you are working for.  My fear is a big fear but I understand that certain people need to step up to be the circle of attention.