Changing My Thoughts

I always go through having good and bad days with my thoughts like everyone else in society.  Yet, I can tell the whole world about my life, even if they didn't ask me which is something I have been trying to change this year and in the last few months has been better.  When my life used to go downhill, I try and find someone to vet to and felt like that was the way that was best for me.  Nowadays, I am trying to put everything down on paper or on the computer which allows me to search through my own thoughts.

With that been said, I am trying to change my thoughts from putting out "You didn't put an effect into going through the steps we talked about" and now, I am saying "We should email this and that person and go through steps to get these items approved before we put this online."  My thought process has changed to really focus on putting a positive message out there instead of feeling like many people are against me when this is not true.

Along with the new thoughts, I am focusing on me after a number of years of really trying to help others in volunteer movements, jobs, and family.  In the past, others have pushed me to do things they wanted and my focus has been about making everyone else feel better and not myself.  To move forward, I am going to do meditation, mindfulness, and start to journal to get my thoughts out.  The big question is if this will help me, and I believe the answer is yes.

I have to start to put me first in my own life and not allow others to step in the way.  Everyone, from family to people I volunteer with to friends, they all want me to do what they want and I haven't really been able to say "This is what I want in my life."  When I bring this up with family, some of them say good while I know others don't believe I should be doing anything except for what is on their list for me.  Every point in my life, people have said "You shouldn't do this as we know what is right for you."  Actually for almost every single thing I have done in my life, this has helped me grow even if I failed at them.

Failing for me is good as this allows me to grow and really push myself onto the next path while training my thoughts to be more positive.  I have failed this year, more than I have actually achieved, yet I know that what I did was for the better.  Losing a job, having to be by family side, not reaching my goals, volunteering that made me cry, yelling at people and not feeling like I have been listened to, all have been the downsides of this year.  All of these are good in the end as my mind has changed and really made me focus more on me.

On the positive side, in the last few months, I have grown a lot and understood what I need to do to take care of my life.  I am trying to bring my thoughts into a very positive lens where everything works out for the better.  

A challenge for the next 2 months is to always think positive and don't allow myself to go down the rabbit hole of bad thoughts.