Coming Out Update #4
This is an update from the previous posts in this series until I figure out everything in my life.
If you have any questions, comments, or thoughts, please leave them below and I will get them when I have a chance. I would love to hear what other people think.
Please support me via donating on my Patreon page.
I talked to two people online about my situation and they have put a lot of thoughts in my head. They all say that I should slow down and take this slow if I can handle all the pain that is in my house. After living my whole life being who I don't want to be, I think this is time to really show that I am being true to myself and doing the actions to take my life to a new level. I am happy to have supportive people online who are wanting to help me after I have come out. Next step is find these people in real life and once I do, that will move me forward.
One question I got in my blog post yesterday was explaining more about they/them as a singular word and a pronoun. I use the words because I label myself as agender and I feel using they/them helps me identify myself. If the world turned into using no labels that would solve a lot of problems but that day and time will not come for along awhile. People still like to know if you are having a boy or girl for a baby or that someone you are talking about is male or female. Even the concept of they/them is not something majority of people really know about. I found this page: https://uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/gender-pronouns/ interesting as they go through all the pronouns and the history of “His or Her” vs. Singular “They”.
Why do I want to be femme if I identify as agender? Well, I never liked being identified as male or female for many years and thought the word male/he/him and all the rest of male identifying words didn't really suit me. Now, as I said in my other blog posts, I want to appear femme but people ask me "How can you appear femme but be agender?" First off, the way you appear is different from the way you identify as. Someone can identify as male and dress as femme if they want to, this is up to them. For me, I like all the different wardrobe/fashion choices that femme people have that inspire me.
Why do I have long hair at all? A number of people have said me to "If your parents really want you to get a haircut and that will make the situation all better, why not get a pixie cut?" Pixie cuts can look really good and I might have one in the far future but at the moment I want to have long hair. I have been denied the choice to have long hair for as long as I can remember so this is my chance to have super long hair for the first time ever. Having long hair has made me happier and really hopeful in everything else I do.
What about dating? Well, I haven't been dating in awhile as no one really has the nerve to want to date me. I do have one online dating profile on okcupid which is good but as I transition, I will have to make massive changes to. At the moment, I try and message a lot of people but I know my messages are plain and not interesting at all. Right now, I date anyone under the moon but my mind has been thinking lately that people who appear as male scary me, and might want to after transitioning date people who appear female. I know that is much more limiting that I was in the past and might identify me as lesbian but I feel would make me happier and pushing my boundaries.
Please support me via donating on my Patreon page.
Comments
If the timing feels right, that's your timing, not theirs. Some people like to move at barrelling speed, and that's their comfort zone. Some (me) move at a snail's pace. What's right is ultimately your definition; if you are at your maximum capacity and you are in pain by staying in the house, waiting around and trying to hold in the pain isn't going to send you to any good place (trust me, I've done that, and I ended up dropping out of college at one point because of depression).
I don't encourage thoughtless recklessness, but I have a feeling you've thought about this and have asked yourself what the right thing is for you. These pain are like a toothache; sure, it won't cost 500 bucks if you don't take action and see a dentist, but do you really want to live with it? No.
Someone from the chat told me on Sunday that this is my life, and in the end, no matter what people say, I can only make decisions and responsibilities for myself. I'd like to share her wise words with you. Maybe you can sit in the house longer and suffer the pain, but is that really worth your spiritual and mental damage?
Maybe not a lot of people understand you, but some do. Just find those people and hold onto them. We're around :D