Coming Out Update #5

This is an update from the previous posts in this series until I figure out everything in my life.

I feel that people are really getting me good advice and listening to what I am saying.  I have to really act on what they are sending me and hope that everything will work out in the end.  They are sending me lists are places to contact, where to post for various different situations and understanding that they are not professionals and going to one would be great.  I have been to a therapist in the past and they have really helped me in my life by saying, I need to find a way to support myself and then find shelter.  This was over 10 years ago but the advice is still good and really helpful to make me feel that going back to one would be similar information besides the transition to femme.

To follow up on the comment that was given on yesterday's blog.  I was in University for one semester and because of mental health issues, I dropped out.  What helped me after that was totally switching my whole life, and then some more.  People around me knew that University wasn't good for me but I pushed forward and tried that.  When I was in University, I wasn't really enjoying the program and was doing a lot of other things during the classes.  After awhile, they sent me to see a doctor that said I had depression and because of everything that was happening, I finally decided to drop out.

Why do I want to get rid of my private parts?  I have always wanted to get rid of my private parts as I feel they are not for me.  I would want to switch them with female parts if possible but not always the case.  I might get the surgery to remove and switch my parts, down the road the but if I can hide them from people that is still good for me.  There are many ways to hide the private part but would be more interesting if I can make this look like a female part but clearly that is not always possible.  The reason that I might only do the surgery down the road is that, I identify as asexual, which means I really am not into sleeping with others, but I would like to cuddle with people.

Will I lose friends and family members if I change my appearance? I don't think I will lose friends, which I could be wrong about, but I might not be able to talk to some family members until they settle their own mind with the issue.  I feel because of culture and society not moving forward enough with the issue as of yet, the family members might not be all the way there either.  I am not going to be scared if I lose anyone for awhile or forever as this is about me and not about other people who feel they know more then I do about myself.

Am I alone in this process of transition?  At the moment, I am alone which means to me that I have no support of people around me at the moment.  Even if I get support from people around me like my family, this is going to be hard to take in as I am trying to cut the pain parts off and start fresh as much as possible.  The other way to get support will be a therapist which I might need if I finally want to change my appearance by surgery but maybe if I don't go through surgery for awhile, I can find some sort of support group or similar ways to get help.  Even with all of the support I will get, unless I have someone in my life that can be there outside all of this, would be a much better situation.  Finding people who understand the issue and want to help me out in any situation has been tough for me but if I make more of an effort this time, I will be able to find someone.

If you have any questions, comments, or thoughts, please leave them below and I will get them when I have a chance. I would love to hear what other people think.

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