Shut Down Thoughts to Calling for Help

Everyday, I have thoughts of wanting to be femme, which makes me happy.  Yet, I still have to deal with my parents who seem to always want to shut down my thoughts.  Since, I can't tell my parents about my thoughts, I have to shut them down when I am around them.  I don't want to make the mistake of saying something that will be bad in their minds.  Recently, I did almost come out and say that I wanted to be femme but my parents would have not believed me.

Beyond that, even if I think of doing anything that is out of the normal with my parents, they will shut down my thoughts.  Most of the time, my parents don't listen to me because they know what I am talking about or don't care enough.  I always feel that the best bet for me is to shut down my thoughts until I have something 100% new or anything they would like to hear from me.

Yesterday, I was watching the Academy Awards and during the commercials there was one on Bell Let's Talk which is an amazing campaign by Bell to talk about mental health.  During that time, I was thinking about my own mental health problems, and how my parents use to and still do shut my thoughts down.  They really don't listen to what I have to say, and instead push me to do what they feel is right.  The above quote is exactly how I feel towards my family as I have never had any serious ways to know they really care about what is in my mind or how I feel even if I don't open up enough.

Related to that, I have been crying out for help and no one is there to listen.  The only way, I have been getting help is from online people I don't know, who have lots of great advice, and insight.  More then 10 years ago, I did see a therapist for my thoughts, which helped me but my parents said "She is against us, you can't see her anymore."  To move forward with getting help, if there was one person to communicate with in my life, this could turn into a rally call for me to really improve and be happier in many different aspects.