Day #10 Saying Firm NO!
This experience today was a hard one and always is hard when sometime goes against everything you have been doing your whole life. Changing your mind upside down is not something that is normal to humans. There is always a way that we put doubt in our mind which stops us from really stepping out of boundaries.
Today was a strange one for me as almost always I say yes even if I want to say something else. The reason, I do that is I don't want to disappoint people. I actually was able to say no in three different ways today and they were hard no's. The last no was a very hard no because the other person I was talking to, was saying a soft no but we can get in touch with other people and groups still and I said, no we can't do this. This made me happy to put a project that could have been heavy aside to work on things that are more important.
To say no actually is good when I really don't feel you really don't feel up to the work. Yet, all our lives when I was little was about saying yes and making everyone else happy. Never, was I taught that you can say a soft no in many different words. I feel parents get upset when they hear the word no because they feel what they are saying is right and their kids need to listen to them. If kids say no, this means you are not really teaching them the right words to use or pushing too hard with something they might not want or need to do. Kids will learn to do whatever you are trying to teach them if you try different ways.
The second big no, I said today was not a no as I know they will not understand. Someone say will you should do this, and was pushing rock hard to get me to say yes because they felt for one reason only, this would be good for me. The person even said, this is not too hard and you will learn everything in a snap. I, even said, I use the same argument when I help them with computers, and they didn't seem to realize that is true. The only way, the whole discussion ended was the other person listening to this had to say I listened to both sides and this is the reasons on both sides. I said, I understand but this other person didn't, they just went on about if not this than what. The suggestion was do this other thing, and I didn't say that is super stressful for me as I knew they would say, well then what else????
Overall, our minds are set to say yes for a lot of our lives, and only when we break out of that, do we really understand what is going on. We feel a hard NO is a bad thing and will hard most people's feelings. Yet, we can't always go around making everyone else feel good without really putting love into ourselves.
Today was a strange one for me as almost always I say yes even if I want to say something else. The reason, I do that is I don't want to disappoint people. I actually was able to say no in three different ways today and they were hard no's. The last no was a very hard no because the other person I was talking to, was saying a soft no but we can get in touch with other people and groups still and I said, no we can't do this. This made me happy to put a project that could have been heavy aside to work on things that are more important.
To say no actually is good when I really don't feel you really don't feel up to the work. Yet, all our lives when I was little was about saying yes and making everyone else happy. Never, was I taught that you can say a soft no in many different words. I feel parents get upset when they hear the word no because they feel what they are saying is right and their kids need to listen to them. If kids say no, this means you are not really teaching them the right words to use or pushing too hard with something they might not want or need to do. Kids will learn to do whatever you are trying to teach them if you try different ways.
The second big no, I said today was not a no as I know they will not understand. Someone say will you should do this, and was pushing rock hard to get me to say yes because they felt for one reason only, this would be good for me. The person even said, this is not too hard and you will learn everything in a snap. I, even said, I use the same argument when I help them with computers, and they didn't seem to realize that is true. The only way, the whole discussion ended was the other person listening to this had to say I listened to both sides and this is the reasons on both sides. I said, I understand but this other person didn't, they just went on about if not this than what. The suggestion was do this other thing, and I didn't say that is super stressful for me as I knew they would say, well then what else????
Overall, our minds are set to say yes for a lot of our lives, and only when we break out of that, do we really understand what is going on. We feel a hard NO is a bad thing and will hard most people's feelings. Yet, we can't always go around making everyone else feel good without really putting love into ourselves.
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