Mental Health Breakdown Update #4
I will be doing a series every week from Monday to Friday on one topic that screams me to talk about.
A few years ago, I discussed to look back at my whole life and see where this was leading me. The biggest feeling I got was that, I wasn't the same as everyone else. I know that there is no normal and everyone has at least one unique thing about them. Yet, when I really looked back, I thought, I really wanted to date men but knew that wasn't enough as I went deeper. The deeper, I went and more I got into the LGBTQ+ community, I really knew that since I was a teenage, I wanted to change my appearance and not look the way I was born. This wasn't overnight by no means, I was really feeling weird and crying sometimes as I knew that my family wouldn't accept me. As I got to accept that this is what I really want to do, I started to figure out that I had a lot of labels that I needed to put on myself as I grew more into understanding myself. For my sexuality, I have never actually kissed anyone but men which is kind of weird if I was to change my appearance and not date men anymore.
Going forward, I will have to take in my mental health which was going really up and down at that time. I didn't know how to make this stable and haven't been able to do that since as I know not everyone is going to accept me for who I am. Since I did come out to my parents this has been scary as they don't really understand if I was saying that to get out of doing things or not. The more I look into this, the bigger the issue becomes. Yet, I know that by allowing people to call me by a name I really feel happy about is the first step to really get my mind in a happy mood. The next step is to grow my hair long, and then get going on other things that will make my appearance look different.
Have I ever thought of suicide? I have thought of this, and that was a bit about my depression and everything in my life being sideways. Since high school, I have been doing a number of things that I enjoyed but most of this has been not good in my life. Suicide thoughts have come and gone in my life but doing the high times of when I am not going what I want and not busy enough, the thoughts do come back. The last 8 months have actually made these thoughts go away as I get rid of bad pieces in my life.
Has dating been hard with mental health? Dating has been hard with mental health as I push forward to get everything figured out. Sometimes I will have a down day and others I will be happy but the real issue is finding people who will not going screaming away from me. This is about talking to people in real ways and I don't really like to go on dates until I am sure people are real for me. Most people want society normal to date but I feel that if I am able to date someone who is out of the normal is best for my mental health. I am unsure who I will date in the future but I know what kind of person I want to date.
Where do I go from here? Does this get better? Yes this does, and where I am going to go with my mental health, I can't be sure. I have no problem making myself happy but does that make other parts of my life right, not really. I need to push forward with action items like finding a place to live and a way to support myself that will move me out into the life I really like. After coming out, I feel that I can be myself but need to really amp up some parts of my life faster and faster.
If you have any questions, comments, or thoughts, please leave them below and I will get them when I have a chance. I would love to hear what other people think.
Please support me via donating on my Patreon page.
A few years ago, I discussed to look back at my whole life and see where this was leading me. The biggest feeling I got was that, I wasn't the same as everyone else. I know that there is no normal and everyone has at least one unique thing about them. Yet, when I really looked back, I thought, I really wanted to date men but knew that wasn't enough as I went deeper. The deeper, I went and more I got into the LGBTQ+ community, I really knew that since I was a teenage, I wanted to change my appearance and not look the way I was born. This wasn't overnight by no means, I was really feeling weird and crying sometimes as I knew that my family wouldn't accept me. As I got to accept that this is what I really want to do, I started to figure out that I had a lot of labels that I needed to put on myself as I grew more into understanding myself. For my sexuality, I have never actually kissed anyone but men which is kind of weird if I was to change my appearance and not date men anymore.
Going forward, I will have to take in my mental health which was going really up and down at that time. I didn't know how to make this stable and haven't been able to do that since as I know not everyone is going to accept me for who I am. Since I did come out to my parents this has been scary as they don't really understand if I was saying that to get out of doing things or not. The more I look into this, the bigger the issue becomes. Yet, I know that by allowing people to call me by a name I really feel happy about is the first step to really get my mind in a happy mood. The next step is to grow my hair long, and then get going on other things that will make my appearance look different.
Have I ever thought of suicide? I have thought of this, and that was a bit about my depression and everything in my life being sideways. Since high school, I have been doing a number of things that I enjoyed but most of this has been not good in my life. Suicide thoughts have come and gone in my life but doing the high times of when I am not going what I want and not busy enough, the thoughts do come back. The last 8 months have actually made these thoughts go away as I get rid of bad pieces in my life.
Has dating been hard with mental health? Dating has been hard with mental health as I push forward to get everything figured out. Sometimes I will have a down day and others I will be happy but the real issue is finding people who will not going screaming away from me. This is about talking to people in real ways and I don't really like to go on dates until I am sure people are real for me. Most people want society normal to date but I feel that if I am able to date someone who is out of the normal is best for my mental health. I am unsure who I will date in the future but I know what kind of person I want to date.
Where do I go from here? Does this get better? Yes this does, and where I am going to go with my mental health, I can't be sure. I have no problem making myself happy but does that make other parts of my life right, not really. I need to push forward with action items like finding a place to live and a way to support myself that will move me out into the life I really like. After coming out, I feel that I can be myself but need to really amp up some parts of my life faster and faster.
If you have any questions, comments, or thoughts, please leave them below and I will get them when I have a chance. I would love to hear what other people think.
Please support me via donating on my Patreon page.
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